Home > 2012-13 Season > Pondicherry to Begin Apology Tour Today

Pondicherry to Begin Apology Tour Today

January 21, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Nient Boffo
Senior Staff Writer

File photo

Association commissioner Dr. Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr. will begin an apology tour today in an attempt to repair relations with fans left disgruntled over the three-month lockout.

“We want the hate to crystallize and the focal point of the hate to shift away from ownership and onto Dr. Pendischorries [sic],” said Small Pizzas GM “Inner Hammer”. “We’ve prepared an entire series of little morality plays where Dr. Pandycherries [sic] will appear on hastily-constructed stages as a sort of rapist-monster bent on the destruction of all that is good and we believe it will win many fans back. We have a series of props and costumes that will make the entire performance more convincing.”

“Inner Hammer” suddenly excused himself. “Gotta go get my root honked, boys,” he explained before leaving abruptly.

“I am not entirely pleased with the scenario,” stated Pondicherry, who was examining the series of strange, frightening costumes. “But, it’s what’s best for hockey and I’ve always stood for that. If dressing up in these demon outfits will help, then I’m all for it.”

Pondicherry was suddenly punched hard in the stomach by a fan, who emerged from the crowd of reporters. He doubled over and then fell onto the floor and the interview had to be ended prematurely.

The first show of the tour will be tomorrow night at the Lankville Beach and Sound Area Arena. Tickets are still available.

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