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Pucking Around: Brock Belvedere’s Notebook

January 22, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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SMALL PIZZAS DOMINATE

 The Small Pizzas continued to dominate in Pondicherry Association action last night and have mounted a large early lead in the circuit.  GM “Inner Hammer”, who has watched his club on special roving satellite-telescreens from the Teets Island Chain, was pleased.

“This team knows how to get right in there by that net like it were a gaping orifice and then shoot that puck in as if it were a cumbersome but infinite load.”

Following a long, difficult period of silence, the executive suddenly added, “I’m a coital polymath” before signing off.

ASSOCIATION REPORTER HOSPITALIZED

Pondicherry Association News reporter Deacon Casper was hospitalized this weekend after being attacked by a cannibal.

The incident occurred near dusk on Saturday when Casper was placing large blue tarps over his lawn for reasons unclear.

“Mr. Casper’s yard is just a patchwork series of these tarps,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who flew to the Southern Island Lankville District to investigate the incident. “He was laying another tarp down and a woods cannibal attacked him from behind with a big pipe. Mr. Casper was struck several times and dragged into the woods. Fortunately, he awoke just before the cannibal started to eat him and was able to escape and take refuge with some nearby shack people. The shack people nursed him back to health with roots and oatmeal and then he admitted himself to the hospital just to be sure. We are still looking into the identity of the cannibal.”

Casper is expected to be released later today unless he dies.

“NO PANDA PLAN”, SAYS PONDICHERRY

League commissioner Dr. Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr. says that the circuit has not scheduled a benefit for pandas and has no “specific panda plan”.

Dr. Pondicherry, who began his apology tour last night, also stated that the pandas should stop calling league offices and stop sending letters.

“We have a lot on our plate right now with the season just starting and this tour.  I have no time to craft a panda plan.  Perhaps in the future but I can make no promises.”

Pondicherry then put on a large, plaster Devils head and walked onstage to heavy jeering.

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