Home > Musings of a Decorative Ham Man > Musings of a Decorative Ham Man

Musings of a Decorative Ham Man

January 22, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Chris Vitiello
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Employment with Vitiello Decorative Hams requires the submission of a profound personal statement. Each personal statement is reviewed by me.

In this document, the applicant must describe, in detail, the personal life journey that led them to the “Decorative Ham doorstep”. Any attempt at circumvention is not tolerated and the statement is immediately fed to a goat. Occasionally, I pay a visit to the applicant and they are whipped mercilessly.

In addition, the applicant must share their interest and enthusiasm for the decorative ham. They must demonstrate what they can contribute to the decorative ham process and they must visualize that their audience is a decorative ham scientist, if you will. And that scientist is me.

I remember when I was fat on chicken, I used cliches such as “making the world a better place” and “that will be fun and interesting.” No more. Now I am a harvester, not a consumer.

I also prefer constant capitalization.

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