Home > 2012-13 Season > Royer Experimenting with Controlled Environments

Royer Experimenting with Controlled Environments

January 23, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Larry “God” Peters
Far-Flung Areas Correspondent
File photo

Terrifying Bat GM The Great President of Hell (formerly Ric Royer) is experimenting with controlled environments in the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness, according to witnesses.

“The Great President of Hell requested and was granted an adjacent cell,” noted Warden Jenness, who was still overseeing the placement of decorative hams in his office, an installation that has now taken over three months. “His current living space is, according to his experiments, meant to represent the controlled environment of heaven or paradise and the adjacent cell is meant to be a cursed place, a sort of Hell.”

The Great President of Hell released the following statement:

“A controlled environment provides the perfect opportunity to determine and change conditions at specific points in time during an experiment, for example by exposing the walls and furnishings to fire, by burying vile objects in the floor and by allowing evil spirits free roaming access. During decisive growth and development periods, e.g. during the flowering of evil, we can monitor the situation closely by preventing the villainous new obscenity from escaping and tackling nearby residents. It must remain celled and quarantined. In this way, tents may be safely placed on a field plot or may be substituted with closely defined conditions inside the hell growth chamber.

We are also creating a nurturing, heaven-like environment in our current environs by continuing to add to the collection of illuminated snow villages and by allowing the further propagation of colorful balloons.”

“We believe in allowing our wards the opportunity to perform important research,” noted Jenness. “The Great President of Hell has taken a keen interest in these subjects. We will allow it to continue.”

The Great President of Hell is expected to release an abstract in the coming weeks.

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