Home > 2012-13 Season > An Interview with Chris Vitiello

An Interview with Chris Vitiello

February 7, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Lance Pepsid
Special Fashion Correspondent
File photo

Lance Pepsid recently had a chance to catch up with 24-Piece Men GM and Decorative Ham magnate Chris Vitiello.  The interview was held in someone’s yard.

CV:  I see they’ve sent you again, Mr. Pepsid.  Baffling, really.

LP:  Well, today I’m prepared with some hockey questions.  Now…

Suddenly, a gigantic hot-air balloon appeared over the horizon.  The balloon was bobbing furiously as though possessed by some sort of unearthly wind.  It seemed to be heading straight for Mr. Pepsid and Mr. Vitiello.

LP:   Let’s switch gears.  What do you make of this approaching balloon?

CV:  I have never seen anything like it.  It is absolutely astonishing and, yet, profane.  It turns the stomach the way it is being tossed about by the wind.  I notice too that it appears unmanned.

LP:   Do you think it will crash?

CV:  Most certainly.  It’s also on fire.  It will explode momentarily.

As predicted, the balloon suddenly erupted in flames.  Its descent accelerated.

LP:  Now that the balloon is drawing closer, I believe I see someone or something in the basket.

CV:  Yes.  It is a loathsome, scaly creature, absolutely abominable.  It’s a horror from the heavens.

LP:  Do you think it will kill us?

CV:  If we do not move from these delightfully comfortable plastic outdoor chairs, then yes, it will.

LP:  So there is a swiftly-moving, burning balloon, being piloted by a nightmarish creation headed straight towards us.

CV:  It draws even closer now.  I noticed that the owner [of the house] has used a chemical on the grass to make it greener.

LP:  There’s a little grill over there and some charcoal.

CV(nodding): Yes…I…

Pepsid and Vitiello suddenly fell asleep in their chairs and the interview was ended prematurely as the balloon continued its descent.

Categories: 2012-13 Season Tags: ,
  1. Lance Pepsid
    February 9, 2013 at 6:12 am

    We are ac ceptings donations.

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