Home > 2012-13 Season > Chat Sessions with Dick Oakes, Jr.

Chat Sessions with Dick Oakes, Jr.

February 19, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
Senior Staff Writer

Clints Stunt is a Terrifying Bat fan.  He works everyday in a convenience store.  He has a girlfriend named Peggy.

“Eddie-Baby” Rice is a Darkness fan.  He owns a silo.  He sells grain on the weekends.  He pays country girls for coitus.

Lisa Boots is a Small Pizzas fan.  She runs a company that brings melons to stores.  She is married to a man but not in a particularly serious way.

Hockey fans, all.  But is there any further link?  I sat down with all three at a table in a basement.

DO:  So, let’s have a chat session here.  Who wants to open?
ER: I’ll open. I feel that you can look at me and say, “That guy, he’s a barometer.”
DO: A barometer of what?
ER: Values.
LB: Let me cut you off. We have a big cardboard container. It’s open at the top and we pour the melons in there. Every time, there’s this little wormy guy who appears out of the darkness with some grapes.
CS: So what? What’s that got to do with anything?
ER: You look at me and you think, “Now there’s what a Lankvillian man should be about”.
DO: OK, let’s settle down here. Lisa, I think that everyone in the room knows that you and Clint have some unspoken bond.
LB: I guess I feel it.
CS: I admit it.
DO: Clint, what turned you on right away?
CS: I’d say her round pig-like ass. It conforms to a series of ideas and memories that I have.
DO: Fair enough. Lisa, what turned you on to Clint?
LB: The way he carried that box of coffee in here. Something about the curve of his hand. It was deeply erotic and yet unsettling.
DO: Eddie-Baby, that kind of leaves you out of the loop. How do you feel?
ER(crying): I’m alright…I…
DO: Thanks everyone.

Dick Oakes’ new series will continue in further issues.

Categories: 2012-13 Season Tags: ,
    February 19, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    If you would like to be a part of one of Dick Oakes’ Chat Sessions, send a full-body photograph to: OAKES/16 Court of Homes/Northern Lankville 35.

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