Home > 2012-13 Season > Horrible Pig Monster Family Disturbs Fans at Stamps Contest

Horrible Pig Monster Family Disturbs Fans at Stamps Contest

February 20, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Grady Kitchens
Senior Staff Writer
3660
File photo

A family of horrible pig monsters disturbed fans last night in a league contest between the Stamps and the Small Pizzas on Hoover Island.

Sources are confirming that the pig monsters purchased their tickets and sat quietly in the upper deck but that their mere presence caused many of the 54 fans in attendance to leave by the second period.

“I just felt that I couldn’t be in the same building as a horrible family of pig monsters,” said Stamps fan Earl Cron of Northern Hoover Island.  “I just kept watching them out of the corner of my eye to see what they would do.  At any moment, I anticipated pig chaos.  I couldn’t concentrate on the game.”

Cron, who is a traditional Hoover Island nudist, was later accidentally lanced.

“It was felt we could not evict the family,” stated Stamps owner and island monarch Aaron Tucker.  “They paid legally and were among the most well-behaved of the extremely paltry, pathetic crowd that we had in attendance last night.   We held a brief quorum and made the decision despite their odious presence.”

The father of the horrible pig family was later interviewed.

“We came to show our support for hockey on Hoover Island,” said the swine, who was drooling in an utterly repellent fashion.  “I think you’re really starting to see the effect that hockey is having here and, you know, I feel like that’s something to be proud of.”

The beast then wandered into the gift shop and purchased some hats and cotton candy.

The Stamps are currently exploring options on what to do if the family attempts to attend further games.

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