Royer Changes Name to “One Who Uses it Daily”
By Tito Presentation
Distinctive Reporter
File photo
Terrifying Bats GM Cor Scorpionis (formerly Ric Royer) confirmed this morning that he has changed his name to “One Who Uses it Daily”.
A small press conference was given in the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness dining hall to a sparse crowd of early-rising reporters.
“One Who Uses it Daily” appeared in a crimson road while carrying an illuminated porcelain Christmas structure. He paused to liberally lather up a bagel with cream cheese, then proceeded to the lectern.
“It is our [the executive nodded to the Christmas structure] hope that this new sobriquet will evoke our daily life lessons, the creation of a limitless cell of wonder that cannot be contained by four simple walls. We [the executive nodded again to the Christmas structure] have discovered a new source of inspiration and we have every intent to use this source daily. Now, please, enjoy some of these bread products, traditionally shaped by hand in the form of a ring*”.
The reporters then rushed the bagel table resulting in one stomping death.
Later, “One Who Uses it Daily” gave a brief speech before his cell.
“You’ll note that our [again, Royer nodded to the Christmas structure] nametag reads “Royysticks”. Although it is spelled incorrectly, it is in reference to my given name and this is no longer applicable. It should read “One Who Uses it Daily and Partner”. The individuals that claim hegemony over this wretched community have yet to come to terms with the ephemeral.”
“One Who Uses it Daily” suddenly became dazed and entered a long period of psychogenic fugue. The interview was ended prematurely.
*Commonly known as bagels.
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ACCOMMODATIONS
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ADULT ADVERTISEMENT
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Compliance with subsection: 16.61(2), Lankville statutes.
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GREBOV BROTHERS TELESCOPE COMPANY
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The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).
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8PM, Southern Lankville Man-Arena. Featuring Ric "Wild Boy" Tipps (green trunks).
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