Royer Releases First Book of Poetry
By Sal-Peter Vooks
Special Literary Correspondent
File photo
It was announced this morning that hockey and baseball magnate Ric Royer has released his first book of poetry. Dances with Bears will hit the shelves today.
“The sparkling, glimmering little rays of my illuminated Christmas village layout has inspired this work,” noted Royer, who appeared briefly this morning at a press conference in which a large sheet cake was served. “Also, my new van has provided creative arousal. This abundance has been an awakening. My literary panties are all wet.”
Royer was allowed a small piece of the sheet cake, signed a few copies of his book and was then taken back to the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness.
“I read some of the poems,” said reporter Brock Belvedere, Jr. “There was some stuff in there about mountains. And then some stuff about bears.” Belvedere awkwardly ate a large piece of the sheet cake and then added, “There was a sensuality that I deeply appreciated.”
Dances with Bears has been issued in heavy cardstock wrappers with sewn-in “guidance ribbon” and directional arrows in an edition of 500.
LANKVILLE DAILY NEWS: IN BOOK FORM!
The book is gone. It will never return. We hear stories but they are likely false. We live in the woods now. We make fire with a lighter that we found in the street. It was crushed by a truck but, somehow, perhaps through some intervention that is beyond us, it still works. We are waiting. We are waiting.
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SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT CANCELED
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