Home > Funny Stories by Dick Oakes, Jr., Sports > Small Motel Girl Wrestling: Lankville’s Newest Sport?

Small Motel Girl Wrestling: Lankville’s Newest Sport?

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
File Photo

There are times when beauty can penetrate a man’s soul and awake senses which his mind cannot control.  Then, with the sort of helplessness usually reserved for the drawing of a moth toward a flame, he must obey his instincts to possess the wonder which has excited him.  Often, this lust-fueled turmoil is accompanied by the consumption of an alcoholic beverage or perhaps a particularly thick desert.

It is then that the man will find himself attending a small motel wrestling match, Lankville’s newest sport.  He will know upon entering the small hotel room that he has infiltrated a den of unabashed iniquity.  Sweaty, spellbound men form a mean ring around the room– they are all here to be erotically aroused.  A pile of gambled money rests on a battered bureau, pushed into one corner– a squat, brutish thug monitors it from a little stool.  The combatants, beautiful heavily-lipsticked women, suddenly throw open the bathroom door and make their way through the ring of bodies.

At times, bikinis are ripped off and yet, the girls continue to wrestle across the carpet in their nude glory.  The men exhibit a certain sophistication at the proceedings before them– no matter how aroused they become, they will continue to calmly stand and watch the proceedings.  The brutish thug sees to it.  Unfortunately, there is a first time for everything.

It was my third time (strictly for journalistic purposes, you understand).  The matchup was Tara vs. Shayna and they were a little late arriving.  The thug, in an unusually charitable mood, passed out extra bottles of champagne.  The heat was terrible and the windows of the small motel room began to fog up.  “Sorry about the air conditioning boys,” the thug noted, though no further explanation was proffered.  We waited.

There was an engineer there, guy named Harold Martin.  A university man, this was his first slip into the pit of Small Motel Girl Wrestling.   He drank not wisely and admitted that he had eaten nothing all day.  “We had a robot that went off down the hallway and entered a classroom,” he stated quietly.   He loosened his cheap tie.

It was a jolly crowd by the time Tara and Shayna made their way into the ring.  The men lifted their glasses in unison, however the ladies were far too focused on the coming match to notice.  Neither one would state later that they noticed anything strange about the crowd.

The two lithe but busty beauties locked arms immediately.  The clinch went on for some time– swaying back and forth until finally Shayna was able to crush Tara into the carpet, shedding her bikini completely in the process.  The men politely cheered.  The match continued on– the women tore at each other with savage abandon.  Shayna’s bikini suddenly popped off to moderate applause.

It was then that Harold Martin, his shirt torn off to reveal a sunken, hairless chest, jumped into the ring.  “OH NO!” cried the thug, who got up from the stool as quick as his little legs would carry him.  The crowd of men stood stunned as Harold attempted to insinuate himself into the match, only to be viciously beaten by both women.  He seemed to be enjoying the thrashing and the men turned their heads– the sight was sickening.  Finally, the thug and two other men grabbed Harold out by his legs and pushed him up against a far wall.  The match was immediately ended and the hotel room emptied.

“This is what we try to prevent,” said the thug, later.  “Small Motel Girl Wrestling insists upon decorum from the crowd, it INSISTS,” he continued, slamming his fist into his hand.  “You must understand.  This is NOT ACCEPTABLE!”

“What will you do?” I asked.

He thought about this.

“We may have to move Small Motel Girl Wrestling out of the small motel room and into a venue that allows for better protection for our fighters.  That may be the only way.  The future of Small Motel Girl Wrestling depends on it.”

The thug promised a decision within days.

“I’ll need to meet with the other organizers.  Reports will need to be issued.  The commissioner will be consulted.  It’s a process, Dick.”

Stay tuned for updates on the future of Small Motel Girl Wrestling.

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