Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Eldritch Canisters Have Been Haunting Royer

Eldritch Canisters Have Been Haunting Royer

February 13, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Joel Tweez

By Joel Tweez            Resort Correspondent

A series of eldritch canisters have been haunting business magnate and Lankville Daily News correspondent Ric Royer for many months now, the executive is confirming.

“The canisters appear at twilight, often in the garden,” said Royer during a morning interview on some boats. “Then, when I finally give in to repose about midnight, the canisters begin their infernal rolling, back and forth down my driveway. It goes on all night. And with this noise, comes an ungodly howl.”

Royer has alerted authorities but to no avail.

Typical canisters.  These canisters are not haunted but are merely known for illustrative purposes.

Typical canisters. These canisters are not haunted but are merely shown for illustrative purposes.

“Some cops came but they just ended up ogling my East-Island neighbor. Admittedly, she has fine tits for an East Islander.”

Royer even hired a security guard to man the driveway of his resort home in hopes of preventing the canisters from gaining access to the yard. The guard was found the next morning with a frozen look of terror on his expired face.

“I may have to abandon the mansion temporarily and move back to the mall,” admitted the eccentric tycoon.

  1. Bathilda Curnside
    February 28, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Writing news articles about the canisters will only encourage them!! The media elite loves things like canisters that are haunted or are gender something. If they just leave it alone then everything will be fine or the police will handle it, its what theyr’e trained to do!

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