Frater-Xerxes (Ric Royer) Collapses Near Mall Fountain
By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS! YES!
Frater-Xerxes (formerly Ric Royer) collapsed this morning near an inoperable fountain at Twin Removed Pines Mall in downtown Lankville, sources are confirming. The Frater is currently in an undisclosed location.
The fountain at Twin Removed Pines Mall in its heyday.
The Frater’s mall retail space house has remained closed to reporters.
“He’s had some sort of problem with this fountain for quite some time,” noted mall CEO Scott Kites. “We’ve had some trouble getting it to work, actually because of something that Mr. Royer [Frater-Xerxes] did. He had an Easter basket filled with rolled pennies and he spent the whole day dropping them into the fountain from the second floor. I think it clogged up the apparatus.”
“I think Mr. Royer [Frater-Xerxes] feels that we should have had it working by now,” added Kites, who has been trying to remove the eccentric Lankville business magnate from the retail space for several months.
“He doesn’t sell anything. He lives there. He puts up lurid curtains. He dumps excessive amounts of pennies into the fountains. It needs to stop,” Kites stated.
The Frater’s current condition is unknown.
“He has this big, extremely velvety robe that he wears every morning. It’s got a gold fleur-de-lis on it– sometimes he wears a crown but he didn’t have that on today,” noted a custodian who refused to be identified and was later found murdered. “He just stood by the fountain for a long time and you could see that he was getting lightheaded and then he just collapsed. That was it.”
“We finished up our cinnamon loaf slabs and then called for help,” the custodian added.
Further updates on the Frater’s condition are expected later today.
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The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).
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