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Planning for Your Retirement: 5 Things You Need to Know by Zach Keebaugh

December 9, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Zach Keebaugh

By Zach Keebaugh

NEWS YOU CAN USE

1. Save as much money as you can.

The sooner you begin saving, the more time your money has to grow. Plus, you’ll be putting money aside (in a bank, with friends, in a hole, whatever) rather than “spending” that money– i.e., giving that money to another “agency” in exchange for services or products.

2. Set realistic goals.

Think about your retirement expenses in terms of what you’ll need to live the way you WANT to live. Be honest about it. My old man, for example. He spends a fortune on those little pebbles that you line gardens with. He’s constantly putting out more and more of those little pebbles. His whole front and side yard is just those pebbles now, man. There isn’t even any grass visible. Just pebbles. Now, I know I won’t need any pebble money. I can cross that off my list. Makes it simple.

3. A Teete-Rozema Bill is the best way to save for retirement.

Mr. Teete-Rozema, creator of the Teete-Rozema Bill.

Mr. Teete-Rozema, creator of the Teete-Rozema Bill.

Contributing money to a Teete-Rozema Bill gives you an immediate tax reduction (you should do your taxes, by the way), deferred growth on your savings and usually a matching deduction from whatever company you work for. This guy Teete-Rozema that created this bill– he’s alright. We reached for the same bag of Flummies at a convenience store once. We were both holding onto the top of the bag, neither letting go, both staring into each other’s eyes with a hatred and a fire that could last a lifetime. It was an intense moment. Then, I was like, “Hey, you’re that Teete-Rozema dude.” He was like, “Yeah, I am” and all.

4. Shift Money Around A Lot

You don’t want to get pinned down. So, move your money around a lot. One bank to another, in and out. I’m talking like every week. Make them think you know something they don’t. Keys them up. This one bank manager, he was like, “Why are you doing this?” He was shaking and he couldn’t look me in the eye. I was like, “My $250 can’t be tied down, that’s all. Maybe it’ll be back, maybe it won’t.” So, this guy was like, “We have some hot/cold packs with the insignia of your local Lingus Nets team behind the counter. Stay, and I’ll give you one.” I thought it over for about an hour but then I went back up and was all like, “Nope, my $250 is riding the wind right now.” I know he thought about that one for weeks.

5. Rent Rooms

Never, and I mean, NEVER rent apartments or buy houses. All you need is a room. Be nice if the room had a kitchen but I wouldn’t take it too far. A house is a terrible investment. The roof is just going to fall off and where will you be then? There’ll just be some guy from the Islands hustling some old boards up there for ten grand. Terrible shot to your nest egg. Rent rooms now for a better life later.

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