Home > Presidential Addresses > President Pondicherry on the State of Lankville

President Pondicherry on the State of Lankville

December 9, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

President Pondicherry

I find it useful to go to the back of the fence in my yard. There is a little hill there (on the other side of the fence) that measures perhaps two feet in length but about 100 feet in wideth [sic]. This area can be very difficult to mow. Many have said things like, “Albert, stop being cheap. Buy a weedwacker and you can take care of that little hill in no time.” Others have said things entirely inappropriate to print here.

And yet, a certain tendency of inertia has crept into my bones. I have done nothing about the little hill. It grows and grows and is now a terrible cluster of weeds and trash and also, I believe, someone has been vomiting there. My neighbors have taken to calling Lankville officials (these calls, of course, come directly to my office). I have been forced to give myself enormous fines. Still, I have done nothing.

I continue to go out to the fence each day though. As the days pass, I begin to feel a slow mania creeping in. Two days ago, I went without pants altogether. Yesterday, I ordered a pizza but did not eat it. Today, I plan on allowing squirrels to enter my walls. I will call someone to remove them, of course.

I need to prove that I am still in control.

God Bless You and God Bless Lankville,

President Pondicherry

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