Home > Sarah Samways: Contributing Female > Why is Santa Wearing Jeans? by Sarah Samways

Why is Santa Wearing Jeans? by Sarah Samways

December 26, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
Why is Santa wearing jeans?

Why is Santa wearing jeans?

A Selection from Our Heavy Bursting Christmas Mail Sack

Well, it’s the day after Christmas and our editor’s office has been flooded with letters from you, our loyal readers. These range in topic from “How long do I cook the Decorative Ham?” to “How much tinsel is too much tinsel?” and “What polish should I use to clean my new aluminum baseball bat?” THESE ARE ALL VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS LANKVILLE AND WE LOVE YOU FOR IT. But there was one letter from a little girl that was particularly heartwarming:

Dear Lankville Daily News,

Why is Santa wearing jeans? Why does he sometimes smoke cigarettes and wear aviator sunglasses, even at nighttime? Why does he call the school librarian ‘Mama’? I really don’t think that’s his mama.

Merry Xmas,


Mr. Fick of Fick Industries (who drew the short straw this year and was placed in charge of incoming mail) was touched by this letter and wanted to respond but is totally overloaded with all the other letters from Lankvillians so I was asked to handle it.

So, yes Veronica there is a Santa Claus and sometimes he does wear jeans. Sometimes he does smoke cigarettes and wear aviator sunglasses, even at nighttime. Sometimes he has a thick, white beard and sometimes he has five o’clock shadow and red eyes (to match his suit, of course). Sometimes he brings a sack of gifts and sometimes he’s just a really great listener. Sometimes he’s got a jelly belly and sometimes he’s quite thin. Now, this may get a little confusing for you but not to worry, because Santa, just like the holiday season itself, is magical!

Santa can change his appearance at whim because he’s full of magic! He’s very old and occasionally wants a new look but he’s still the same guy at heart! Santa is also human so we have to forgive his flaws too. The whole smoking thing isn’t great but sometimes he doesn’t know how to handle stress in any other way. He’s a guy that gives and gives and gives and all he gets is a few cookies and a glass of milk and well, that can get to a guy. So this Christmas, lay out a pack of nicotine gum and tell Santa that you’re rooting for him, thank him for all he does and then promptly leave the room.

I hope that answers your questions, Veronica! Merry Christmas, Lankville!


(Contributing Female)

  1. December 26, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Reblogged this on SARAH SAMWAYS and commented:
    Hope your Xmas was less interesting than mine!

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