Home > Sports > Registration for Lankville Marathon Now Open!

Registration for Lankville Marathon Now Open!

Sports by Watts Prisinski

Sports by Watts Prisinski

Sweeping vistas of the famous Mud Pits greet you at the start of this race, which rolls downhill into the canyon of the Lankville Animal Hunting and Conservation Area and across a series of pontoon bridges into the Southern Exotic Islands. There you’ll encounter majestic Caramel Dragons, all manner of flora and fauna, and Cousin Billy’s Auto-fetish Sculpture Garden before you climb gently back up into Outer Lankville, crossing the freeway and scampering through quaint village streets as race enthusiasts alternately cheer and taunt you, before closing in on the exciting finish in historic Pondicherry Square.

The freeway will be closed intermittently during the race.

GOOD TO KNOW: Beginning at mile 10, runners wind through “Pork Glitter Alley,” part of the Vitiello Decorative Ham Compound and Emporium, a major marathon sponsor. Decorative Ham workers motivate racers by spraying them with swine fluids and liquid Puffy Soap before releasing buckets of decorative glitter over them just as they emerge from the alley at mile 13.

Artist's rendering of Lankville marathoners moving through "Pork Glitter Alley".

Artist’s rendering of Lankville marathoners moving through “Pork Glitter Alley”.

TIP FROM ASSISTANT TO THE RACE DIRECTOR: The race route will once again traverse The Woods, despite the recent Incident reported by Daily News correspondent Sarah Samways. It was the only way to avoid The Swamp, according to Scooby Drexler of the Committee on Natural Entertainments. Reached at his vacation tent in the Lankville Partial-Ice Regions, historian Glenn Ogilvie adds, “It’s tradition.”

BEEN THERE, FUN THAT: Miles 18-22 can be a bit tedious, according to Deejay Humphrey, who has finished last in the race an unprecedented four times. That is because soon after mile 18, runners must go single-file through a chute where select family members and figures from the past whisper grievances into their ears. “I always break down at mile 21 when Darlene hisses at me about our bad breakup and about how I tried to drive a car into her,” Humphrey admits. Having run that gauntlet, however, racers’ spirits are raised all the more by the site of enthusiasts crowding the course as it funnels into Old Lankville.

Sign up now to ensure your Official Vitiello Decorative Ham Sponsorship Jersey! The Lankville Marathon takes place on April 15, 2015.

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