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Lankville Crime Log

January 13, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
Gee-Temple:  "I took some of the wings out of the bassinet."

By Detective Houston Gee-Temple

ITEMS TAKEN

Lankville police are investigating the theft of power tools, a portable generator, a circular saw, a tubing bender and many balloons from a property in the Eastern Woodlands.

HARASSMENT

Lankville police investigated an incident that occurred last night along Route 26 in the Southern Basin Area. Keera Shawn, 24, allegedly grabbed Alexxis K. Bombers while she was sitting in a booth at Suddenly Mama Pizza!  Ms. Shawn then pulled Ms. Bombers out of the booth by her hair and onto the floor. Ms. Shawn then dropped some piping hot fries on Ms. Bombers’ back. The fries had gravy on them.

Ms. Shawn was taken to the Southern Basin Specific Hospital.

Later in the evening, Ms. Holly Leaf, 26 was accused of punching an unidentified female, 21, in the face and then eliciting a challenge. The challenge was stopped by some local residents. Ms. Leaf is currently in custody.

CHALLENGES

There were 449 other reported challenges in Lankville last night, resulting in 452 deaths.

DEER STRUCK

Ms. Katrina Snyder-Importants was driving northbound on Lankville State Highway 14 when a deer crossed the road. The deer jumped and was struck by the windshield. The deer carcass was immediately shredded in half and the shredded part came through the windshield causing the car to fill up with blood and gore. Ms. Snyder-Importants lost control of the vehicle and drove it into a nearby sportswear shop. The shredded deer carcass was thrown into a display rack of athletic socks.

Damage is estimated at $20,000.

MISCHIEF AND SHENANIGANS

The old man who was "grilled".

The old man who was “grilled”.

Someone dumped syrup on a 2002 Neptune Fulfillment and then covered the vehicle in toilet paper in the Northern Hole Area. A hotline has been opened for anyone with information– call Lankville Police Area, 5-2688.

OLD MAN AND GRILL

It is reported that the old man sitting alone outside by a grill was not engaging in any criminal acts. The incident which occurred yesterday and prompted over 200 calls to police headquarters, was investigated by the author. The man, Mr. Stanley Provider, 72, was watched for over 4 hours from a nearby bush but engaged in nothing criminal. Nevertheless, he was detained and questioned overnight. Frankly, we’re not sure what happened to him. Some officers thought he was let out, others didn’t remember letting him out. So, he’s gone. You can call that number above if you have information.

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