Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Royer Plays Hero in Two Separate Incidents

Royer Plays Hero in Two Separate Incidents

January 23, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Elliott Cumber-Lanny

By Elliott Cumber-Lanny


Notable Lankville business magnate Ric Royer knows the meaning of the words “good citizen”. He put them into action twice yesterday.

In an early morning incident at an Eastern Lankville Burger Rex restaurant, the enigmatic executive repelled several youths who were taunting an elderly woman.

“Although there are many Burger Rex restaurants, I enjoy patronizing the one with the paintings of heaven on the walls,” noted Royer. “I find the contemplation of little angels soothing while I drink my chunky coffee.”

Royer then explained the details of the incident.

“Some youths walked in and began picking on an old lady. At first, it was fairly ordinary, harmless stuff like calling attention to her advanced age, writing on her shirt, gentle poking. But it quickly became nasty and I knew that swift action would be necessary.”

Ric Royer: Star and Good Citizen.

Ric Royer: Star and Good Citizen.

Royer noted that he carries a large chain with him for such just purposes.

“I got the chain out and started swinging it around and stomping my foot. The leader of the gang shouted “LET’S GO. LET’S HIT THE ROAD” and they ran out and we noticed then that the chain had pierced the new soda machine, the one where a man comes on the screen and asks what kind of soda you want and so there was some clean-up involved and then I gave the old lady $40.”

Four hours later, Royer played the hero again.

“I was at the elastic furniture store and a pregnant woman was eating some small round burgers and she suddenly began choking. Everyone else had disappeared, so I launched into action.”

Royer says that he utilized diverse wrestling moves to expel the small round burger.

“I was not familiar with any traditional safety maneuvers,” he explained. “I was born in Lankville Falls, after all. The woman was so grateful that she will be legally changing her name to “Ric”.

All around Lankville, Royer is already being lauded for his efforts.

“I was back at the Burger Rex later that night, feasting on a Rodeo Burger and I saw a blimp appear out the window. My name was written on the side in lights,” the enigmatic mogul noted.

President Pondicherry has already announced plans for the presentation of a medallion.

“Ric is a great inspiration to us all. He is the ideal Lankvillian and not the kind of person we usually have is who is just fat and sits around,” the President noted.

Plans for further ceremonies will be outlined today.

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