Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Lankville Vending Machines Under New Management

Lankville Vending Machines Under New Management

By Ida Rumpus

By Ida Rumpus

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

There are certain things, as citizens of Lankville, that we count on. Fresh, breathable, slightly off-color air. Winter trees festooned with plastic bags. The right to shower as long and hard as we want to. Sometimes, living where we do and enjoying the bounty and beauty of Lankville and its environs, we take these things for granted. We wake up and just assume that they’ll be there, like the Woods or the Mud Pits.

And then one day, they’re not.

Read it and Reap: Under New Management

Read it and Reap: Under New Management

Such is the case with one of our local points of pride and commerce: reliable, well-stocked vending machines.

When it was discovered last month that vending machines across Lankville were running dangerously low on supplies of Barlow Foods Braided Honey Twist Wheat Helices, Salty Crab Cake Crackers, and Double-Dipped Bow-Tie Licorice Ribbons, residents were rightly incensed.

“I don’t work hard all day in the Lankville State Office of Financial Excellence only to find nothing in the machine but Moon Chips,” snapped Dave Schlarsberger from his office in Carmody Hall. Schlarsberger, an assistant vice president in the OFE, then reminisced about a “bounty” he once found in an overstuffed bag of Braided Honey Twist Wheat Helices, until a passing administrator challenged him and he had to sign off.

Sad Sacks: Area Youths Dispirited at Dearth of Snacks

Sad Sacks: Area Youths Dispirited at Dearth of Snacks

Fortunately, President Pondicherry and his staff sprang into action as soon as it became clear what was happening with the machines.

“The vending machines are under new management,” said Sue Ely, spokesperson for the president. “We can’t have gangs of ruffians and old people mismanaging such an important part of the local economy.”

Ms. Ely assured this reporter that henceforth vending machines will be run by competent youths and frequently (and fully) stocked with the tasty treats we all love. Dave Schlarsberger, and all of Lankville, is grateful.

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