Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Oversized Beach Ball Accident Season Fast Approaching

Oversized Beach Ball Accident Season Fast Approaching

By Brock Belvedere

By Brock Belvedere


Summer is almost here in Lankville– a wonderful time of backyard cookouts, swimming, watermelon and boats. But it can also be a dangerous time and the season’s biggest killer might surprise you.

“It’s oversized beach balls,” stated Lankville Consumer Vulnerability Clump chairman Ump Marstons. “That’s what it is.”

Marstons refused to elaborate and became distracted by a series of internet photos of kittens in boxes.

This could be you.

This could be you.

According to the Lankville Consumer Vulnerability Clump, hundreds of Lankvillians are injured by oversized beach balls every year. Detective Houston Gee-Temple, however, believes the figure may be high.

“You have some incidents where women are lying about on patio chaise lounges, allowing the sun to cascade off their summer-firm haunches and then, BAM, they get hit by oversized beach balls, but I’m not sure it’s worth a story, Brock,” the intrepid lawman noted. “I monitor beaches, patios, yards and I have seen very few over the last few years.”

The LCVC however, disagrees, and have already begun littering Lankville with cautionary signs and billboards.

“It’s a serious issue. A serious, serious issue,” said Marstons, who became distracted again by a slideshow of kittens wearing little hats. “You’ve gotta’ watch out out there.”

The first day of summer is June 21st.

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