Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Phantom Car Balloon

Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Phantom Car Balloon

By Ric Royer

By Ric Royer

I was driving down one of those busy routes when I saw a car dealership. The cars all had balloons tied to them. “MOTHERFUCKER”, I said aloud. I swerved suddenly across two lanes of traffic, drove up on the median and sped into the lot. They all came out from the air conditioning.

“What are you doing?” one of them said. He had on a short tie and brown pants. The rest sauntered back inside.

“I saw the balloons. Might want to buy one of these cars.”

He calmed down a bit. “What are you in the market for?”

“Anything with a balloon tied to it. Anything at all but maybe something with a lot of leg room. Where a person could get down in the well and hide there.”

He showed me around. The heat was terrible. But the balloons held up. They were strong and noble in the stale, windless air.

“What about this one?” He opened the door to a late model sedan. The steering wheel was brown. I looked over the hood and saw the balloon there.

I decided to play it tough. “Can I keep the balloon on it? I’ll only take it if I can keep the balloon on it. What are you going to say to that?” I paused. “Asshole,” I added.

“Sure, you can keep the balloon on it.” He smiled. I called him an asshole again just for effect.

An hour later, I drove the car off the lot. And as soon as I did, the balloon disappeared– it was a phantom. I turned in my seat and saw that the entire dealership was gone. “How can such things be?” I asked aloud. “I’ll drive for an extended period of time and see if it returns.”

It never did.

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