Home > Opinions > OPINION: It Will Be An Injustice If You Don’t Read My Latest Novel

OPINION: It Will Be An Injustice If You Don’t Read My Latest Novel

By Cust Shirley, Writer

By Cust Shirley, Writer

IMPORTANT OPINIONS

I’ve told you in the past about the grave injustice that has been perpetrated against me by the so-called literary establishment. I’ve told you about how, in an effort to rectify this wrongdoing, I’ve resorted to publishing my novels on my own. And I’ve told you about my deeply personal trilogy of erotic science fiction novels written, I believe, at the zenith of my creative powers and which, to date, have sold only four copies. I’ve told you about all this.

Well, now I’m here to tell you about my latest book. And I’m going to go ahead and be straight as an arrow about it– this one is my greatest.

Poon Time is a no-holds barred, warts and all look at sexual mores in the Western Lankville Gulf. I personally spent three months in the Gulf, tagging along with a couple of guys that had a truck, just learning the in’s-and-out’s of the place, meeting the ordinary, everyday people, discovering my own personal Lankville. And I’ve put all of that into Poon Time. All of it and more.

And just to prove it to you, I’m going to lay a passage on you free of charge:

She was a sin-chicken that had come home to roost. He was sculpted and brazen with big legs– not afraid to use them. Sure, dinosaurs had somehow come back to life and were charging through the Gulf like berserk monsters in some two-bit make-out picture. But it didn’t matter. It was all gravy from here on out. And the gravy was spelled s-e-x.

You were surprised about the dinosaurs, am I right? Well, Poon Time is full of surprises.

So, I figured on giving Herb Howard over at Night Pyramid Books one last chance. I express-mailed him a copy of the manuscript which included several pages of explanatory notes. Then, I waited.

If the cover of my latest novel can't get you going, then we better check your pulse.

If the cover of my latest novel can’t get you going, then we better check your pulse.

Nothing.

Finally, in a rage, I called him up.

“Herb, god dammit, would you half-wits even know a great piece of literature if it hit you smack in the god damn kisser?”

He sighed. “Cust, we gotta’ give the public what they want. Poon Time is…well…it’s passe.”

“Passe? Herb, we’ve known each other a long time.”

“I know, Cust.”

He didn’t say anything. I called him a sonuvabitch and slammed down the phone.

So anyway, now I got a case of Poon Time’s that I published myself, just waiting for you. $19.99 for the paperback, $29.99 for the deluxe signed edition. Wanna’ correct a grievous injustice? Buy one.

You WILL NOT be disappointed.

The opinions of Cust Shirley are not necessarily the opinions of The Lankville Daily News or any of its subsidiaries.

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