Home > Business, Lankville Action News: YES! > Gelsinger to Buy Famed “Allure Club”

Gelsinger to Buy Famed “Allure Club”

By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler


Notable Lankville businessman Eric Gelsinger announced today that he will be purchasing the famed “Allure Club” which caters to “adult entertainments”.

The club, which opened in 1955, was the home for many years of the popular burlesque performers “Lady Linda” and “Jingly Teri”. Several hundred small motel girl wrestling matches were held at the Allure during the Motel Strike of 1975.

“That pushed the value up for me,” noted Gelsinger, who was placing a large protective cone over the shaft of a backyard birdfeeder.  “I love adult dancing and small motel girl wrestling. It’s a place of great historical value.”

Gelsinger suddenly dropped and then accidentally tread on the protective cone, crushing it nearly in half.  A series of squirrels appeared shortly thereafter and devoured the feeder’s supply of seed.

“Do you see the fucking shit I put up with?” the former stockbroker was heard to ask in consternation.

The Club Allure.

The Allure Club.

The Allure Club recently found itself in the middle of a long legal battle causing former owner Wilt Cummings to put the business up for sale.

“We had a number of do-gooder types who wanted us out of the neighborhood just cause of the tits and the shootings and all,” noted Cummings, who had owned the Allure since 1969. “I think Mr. Gelsingles [sic] will get a kick out of owning the place. I know I did.”

Cummings began leering at a gaudy pamphlet and the interview was ended prematurely.

“I don’t know who the hell [Wilt Cummings] is,” said Gelsinger, when asked about the sale. “But I looked at a photo of him on the internet and I thought, this is a sincere looking guy. I appreciate sincerity.”

The final sale price of The Allure Club is unknown.

“Once you own four gentlemen’s clubs, you might as well pick up a fifth,” Gelsinger explained. “Four of something is better than five unless, of course, we’re talking about backyard common squirrels.” The magnate gave out a wide-eyed laugh.

The final paperwork on the sale is expected to be completed today.

  1. oversion
    August 15, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    Probably the post of the summer this one. How’s the paperwork coming on this? Any updates?

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: