Royer Changes Name to “The Great President of Hell”
By Tito Presentation
Distinctive Reporter
File photo
Incarcerated Terrifying Bat GM Ric Royer announced today that he will now be known as “The Great President of Hell”.
“There is not necessarily a negative connotation to this,” noted Royer, who was interviewed while on a Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness field trip to a nearby amusement park. “It is merely a nod to the 10th spirit, the centaur and my interest in obscure appendices. There could be fifty legions of demons under my command but otherwise, one should not be afraid. Enjoy the amusement park.”
The Great President of Hell then threw himself wildly into a double-laned bouncy inflatable slide and the interview was ended prematurely.
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CURIOUS LETTERS
Gentlemen,
My name is Fletcher M. Gregory, Jr. and I am 85 years old. I have long been an admirer of your Fluffy Marshes-Mallows; indeed, my man-servant Mr. Swift and I enjoy it atop our sundaes three or four days per week! However, as time has passed, I have noticed that your product becomes more and more difficult to locate in the grocery center and that other, obviously inferior products are now being allotted primer space. Now, this could be the work of the disgraceful he-she that manages my local grocery center (IT'S name is "Steve") but I have had other associates who have expressed similar concerns.
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Fletcher M. Gregory, Lankville
LETTER SACK