Home > Contests, Offers, Challenges > A Review of New Soft Toys for Girls

A Review of New Soft Toys for Girls

By Ida Rumpus

By Ida Rumpus

 

 

The summer soft toy season is upon us and Lankville-area retailers have seen an onslaught of new products. “We’ve been privy to a panoply of soft toys for girls arriving pretty much daily,” noted Dick Splace, owner of The Toy Recovery Bargain Center in Eastern Lankville.  “Sometimes, the trucks just back right into our loading bay in a sort of haphazard manner and just drop all the toys unpacked in a sort of sudden confusing eruption; a sort of salvo of soft toys,” added Splace.  “We have been very busy cleaning up these unregulated blasts of toy shots that just end up all over the parking lot and…in the grass…”  Splace suddenly became very hysterical and had to be led away.

Let’s have a look now at some of this summer’s best offerings.

CUDDLY PLAYTHINGS

"The Panda Creep"

“The Panda Creep” by Cuddly Playthings

The Cuddly Playthings Company is based in Northern Lankville and operates a 265-acre factory and warehouse producing 750,000 items daily.  “I’d say our best new offering is “The Panda Creep,” noted Founder and CEO Kevin Pans.  “Have a look at the strange expression on his face.  Might be friendly, might be sort of apathetic and then again, might be an absolute creep.  Who knows?  I don’t.”  “The idea behind the Panda Creep is mystery,” noted its creator Jenny Wockenfuss.  “You really can’t be sure what you’re getting.  Each expression is exactly identical.  I think it’s a good life lesson and parents seem to agree.” Indeed they do, as the Panda Creep has sold over 100,000 units in its first month alone.  “Ours ended up being a creep,” said a local mother who asked to remain anonymous.  “And then the second one we bought ended up being a creep too.  But the third one has been a real sweetheart and my daughter loves him.  It’s definitely her favorite toy of the year!”

SCHOENFELD HOUSE

The Large-Eyed Stuffed Owl by Schoenfeld House

The Large-Eyed Stuffed Owl by Schoenfeld House

The Schoenfeld House is one of Lankville’s oldest soft girl toy manufacturers, founded in 1897.  “Our original office was old Mr. Schoenfeld’s house in Southern Lankville,” stated CEO Barry Barrasso, aged 45.  “He made senseless wooden toys until 1899, then he switched over to soft and we’ve been riding that wave ever since.”  The Schoenfeld House now exclusively produces and markets large-eyed soft owls.  “Definitely a niche market but a good one,” Barrasso noted, after taking a short break to eat from a sopping, over-sauced container of ethnic food.  “You won’t find another maker of large-eyed soft owls in Lankville or anywhere else for that matter,” added Barrasso, who pushed a packet of papers in our direction for reasons unclear.

Gino Orr is the large-eyed soft owl’s current designer.  “I started out drawing owls on placemats which are a sort of laminated, rectangular flat object that you can place before you when you eat and which sort of absorbs a lot of the gobbing,” Orr informed.  “I think that Mr. Barrass [sic] saw my drawings and liked them and we met at a motel and really hashed out the whole idea of a more modern design for the large-eyed owl– a design that would be more updated for the current century.  So, that’s what you’re seeing today.”

The large-eyed soft owl has sold 45,000 units in May and June alone.

 

WORLDS OF ROYER

The "Fire Cat" by Worlds of Royer

The “Fire Cat” by Worlds of Royer

Even oft-incarcerated Lankville business magnate and sports team owner Ric Royer has cast his lot in with the girls soft toy craze this season, creating the “Worlds of Royer” company, a subsidiary of his many other endeavors.  Royer, who was interviewed in his shuttered mall retail space/home, outlined his headliner soft toy for the summer season.

“It’s called “The Fire Cat”.”  Royer screamed and then paused to allow us to take everything in.  “Look at it over there on my shelf.  It has its head tilted in that loving, deliciously cute manner but it’s also capable of existing easily, even flourishing within the terrible subterranean confines of Hell.”

Royer displayed “The Fire Cat’s” accessories, sold separately.

“You can buy a little soft food dish, a water bowl or these gigantic soft fires that represent the hideous conflagrations of Hell.”  Indeed, the plush fires come in sizes of five to ten feet.  “They should be mammoth,” Royer added.  “As vast and colossal as the raging flames of Hell.  But my advisers mentioned that it would be difficult to sell twenty or thirty foot tall stuffed flames.  So we made them more to scale.”

Royer, who suddenly became frightened of the stuffed flames and the Fire Cat, let roar an unstoppable scream and the interview had to be ended prematurely.

The “Fire Cat” has sold 22,000 units since late April.

 

With all these fantastic new soft girl toys for summer, we can only wait with baited breath for what Lankville’s toy concerns will be offering in the Fall.

  1. Mikhail Goberman
    June 6, 2014 at 8:56 am

    Barry Barrasso is Tom’s brother?

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