Home > Presidential Addresses > President Pondicherry on the State of Lankville

President Pondicherry on the State of Lankville

September 29, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
President Pondicherry has a new dog!

President Pondicherry

A LANKVILLE DAILY NEWS PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS

Yesterday, I had occasion to visit a candy factory in the Southern Lankville Marshland Area. The factory was operated by strong, sturdy, lusty men of Lankville– the great men who forged a new path in factories and candy– who turned marshlands into slightly less wet marshlands through their own vitality, commitment to excellence and their grim bonds to the great soil.

There is a woman and a mountain person running for President for 2016. What a wonderful symbol of diversity this is! A sign of the lessening of the chains of inequality. Lankville, you should be proud.

Of course, neither will win. Women and mountain people are incompetent.

During this election season, I find it useful to take short trips to distant, abandoned places. I stand in cracked, weedy parking lots. Some of the parking lots have ancient, desiccated “FOR LEASE” signs in one far corner, nearly covered in brush. Of course, they are no longer for lease. They are forgotten by most.

But, I will not forget. Where others see a disgusting dog shit-covered macadam, I see opportunity. I see malls. I see highway ramps. I see more candy factories. I see more wonderfully big, muscle-strewn men. I see Lankville.

The national poll is out. If you haven’t already done so, please participate. The people of Lankville should remain informed, always and forever. By participating, you will also be entered into a contest to win a free sandwich. (Editor’s note: no such contest exists). We are a great, great people.

Vote for me.

God Bless You and God Bless Lankville,

President Pondicherry

Pondicherry Sticker

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